I cannot believe it is two weeks before Christmas. Somehow I keep sleeping most of the days away!! I am going to have to have someone on stand by to pinch me to keep me awake for the actual event!!
The last two months have found me in the prone position or in the big comfy chair with my head thrown back and my mouth open while I catch a few minutes or hours of much needed sleep. I am sure glad it isn't summer and the flies aren't out!
We aren't sure if it is the change in medicines, my RSD itself or something else entirely going on but there it is. I had all these grandiose ideas of making 50 tussies mussies filled with home made candy for John's dept at work------talk about an over achiever! I have been collecting garlands of all kinds christmas at yard sales and the thrift stores for very little. But then this 'sleeping beauty' phase came along and I am lucky to get a meal cooked once in a while and my teeth brushed every day.
John set me down and we had a heart to heart talk. He convinced me that I was really trying to over do too much on my list. As much as I agreed I still hated to say I just can't do it this year.
At first I half convinced myself I could do a marathon session of tussie mussie messes and get them cranked out. Then after more thought I decided I would not do a GREAT JOB and I would hate myself for plunging in and trying to make myself exhausted physically and emotionally.
When I make and do things for others I like to do my best in everything. I know most of us are that way. We cringe if we spy a stray thread or a wisp of hot glue floating off our prize gift!! Perfectionism takes time!!
We even skipped my family cousin christmas party. We rent a big hall and everyone comes laden with food, food and more food and wine and drinks for all ages. We have a small decorated tree and gifts for toys for tots to put under the tree from all of us.
music is played, food eaten, reminiscing and catching up. The younger children and teens always have a craft activity and games to play. They each have a stocking and the elder groups bring small stocking stuffers.
The kids also exchange gifts until they are 18.
This is the first christmas gathering we have missed in 15 years. The day before we drove two hours to a small farm town to attend one of our niece's College Graduation. It was a beautiful sunny albeit cold day at 19.
The family dinner afterwards and the drive back home put the day at 12 hours of activity. I was too tried to even talk to the kids on the phone on Sunday let alone attend a wild spirit and love filled 'happening'.
I received my JOY garland and many times during the day I catch a glance and the joy spells out the mantra JESUS OTHERS YOU in my head. I love that.
Jesus and our love for Jesus and our faith in Him and with Him are what the season is about. Not trying to push myself too far to make less than quality gifts because I think I have to.
I didn't attend the cousin party but my cousins still love me and still pray for me. They aren't going to be sitting around crabbing about me not showing up. They will call me like thay have been, inquiring into how I am really doing and wishing us a happy holiday with our families.
Simply put they love me. I love the people in John's dept who have been there through lots of ups and downs with us and we them over more than 30 years. They aren't going to feel bad about not getting a decoration of some sort this year......but they will feel bad if they know I am not feeling my best. That is what it is always about. Loving each other, caring for each other and sharing what ever Life throws at us.
I have been cutting out patterns, fabric and sewing clothes for four different baby dolls this week. With each set I have that grand daughter in my mind and I have been so happy and full of smiles for each one.
They are all so different but they love their 'babies' and spend their time emulating what they see others around them doing. It is so sweet when they coo and pat and are so tender with them. Of course there are those instances like You are in time out. That was very rude. etc.
I can't help but think God gave his son, Jesus as an example of his love for each of us. Jesus tells us to 'love one another.' Society tries to push materialism and merchandise on us for 'christmas'. None of us will be happy unless we have diamonds or a new car or that perfect expensive whatever under the tree.
Our family is trying to 'simplify' the season and focus on Jesus others then last ourselves. We do love each other every day through good and bad and everything in between. We want christmas to mean what it symbolizes. The birth of Jesus because God loved us beyond measure.
My wish for all on my list this year-----------------------and that includes everyone of you special 'friends' I have met this year through our swaps and those who read my blog because they like it. I want all of you to have those special people in your life that love you no matter what. Those who encourage and support you. Those who will still call you on dec 26th even if you didn't give them their heart's desire. I wish all of you a reflection of the Love God or whoever you believe in shows each of us.
Please Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers and yes lately even in my dreams!