Who is in Charge anyway?

We know that all things come together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose. (Rom:8:28)

I spent all day yesterday alternating between thanking God and just crying. I had to visit the dr for a check up following the injuries from my big fall in July. I fell again last week and banged up my 'good leg' again causing a lot of pain and bruising.

My rehab dr has been 'trying to convince me to use a walker when out of the house and I have refused to entertain that thought . Yesterday it was taken out of my hands. Dr Perry, being a wise and kind man, simply said, "I agree with Dr Rempel you cannot go on like this. You need to start using a walker when you leave the house."

As I sat there and tried to quell the tears pooling in my eyes he said With your rsd it is like climbing a mountain. You are starting down here on the ground and you put every effort you can into getting up that mountain to the top. Well rsd throws in all these obstacles and you only get part way before you fall flat off the mountain. Then it takes weeks or months of reconditioning to try to climb the mountain again. Poof you fall off again and start over. He said you never get past falling off and regaining strength enough but not complete strength so you are always going back to zero.

I have to protect myself while I am gaining strength to climb back on that mountain. He said the goal will be to condition for three to four months HOPEFULLY and then get myself back to my cane.....back to my cane.....echoing in my head.....back to my cane and never without walking without assistance. But then I KNOW that. I just would rather not give rsd any more than 'today' when I think about it.

Thank goodness John was with me. I cried off and on most of the day.
We went by our good friends for some love and hugs and then off to the supply store to get my new walker. I picked one with four wheels and
and nice padded seat, a basket and brakes whoooieeee styling wheels!

Dr Perry has known me for years and knows how active I once was when I would show up with a broken digit from softball or 'runner's knee' or whatever so he knows how difficult this is for me. He looked at me and said DO NOT start becoming a hermit and staying home. Get out there and live your life!

So I came home and took a nap and then we went off to our nephew's cross country meet at a nearby lake county park.

I actually made it up a small hill with the walker----and back down---with my cane I would have taken one look and said "forget it I can't do it' and stayed at the bottom. It was easier with the walker and I was the only one who could sit the whole time alright!

My nephew came right over and gave me a big hug and said 'nice wheels' and I only cried when my sister arrived and said 'i am so sorry'
and then encouraged me.

almost 6 yr old Nakiah our oldest grand daughter put it all in perspective for me. She is having a few difficulties transitioning to first grade..... mostly with all 12 grades...... where she goes to school ......eating lunch in the cafeteria ...... at the same time....

oma when i go through my bad troubles i cry and my momma tells me. ' you know nakiah God is giving us bad troubles to go through because he is making us into the best people we can be. we have to go through them even when we don't want to. But we can choose to be sad or happy.' oma when i go through my bad trouble i just look out the window and smile at God and tell him thank you for making me into a better person.

oma you can look out your room window and smile and be happy too even when your having bad trouble with you legs and stuff you know because God is making you in to the best person you can be.

2 yr old tovi joi was crying in the back ground and I said "why is tovi crying honey?" she said "she bit her daddy and so she can't have her snack.
she is choosing to be sad and doesn't want to thank God for her bad troubles and making her into a better person."

is that a message or what??? she is so amazing. all of our little darlings are so dear to me.

I keep replaying our conversation in our head and thank God for my many many blessings and for such a wise Mommy teaching her daughter
such beautiful wisdom about God.

I am full of awe at the complete circle this is---I taught my daughter about God and living through the bumps in the road----and now she is teaching her daughter the same-----and her daughter --my grand daughter is coming back to teach me again the things I have forgotten or
have taken for granted.

AMEN is all I can say. My prayer for all of you is that you have a 'very special' and unexpected teacher in your life.