I have really been trying hard to live my life like the latter. I try to see beauty everywhere, even the garden spider......and to see good in everyone, no matter what.
I had a nursing instructor when I was in Nursing Schoo.. Mrs. Mckinley. She always told us that we would be taking care of people from all stations in life. NO matter how undesireable that patient or family might be, God still loved them.
She said when the going gets tough you look for Jesus in that person or situation and you will always find the best.
I am trying to apply that to my life today. Looking at life in the best way possible and treating every thing, good and bad, as a miracle.
I have to confess I am rather down today. Even in thanking God for my 'illness' I am still sad.
I fell a month or so ago and hurt my 'good' knee and have had all sorts of repercussions from that.
I saw the therapist yesterday with hopes high and looking for that 'miracle.'
His take on it is.... my right knee/leg/entire side 'sucks' and there is nothing he can do to help improve it in any way. Too much time and therapy have already been spent doing just that to no avail.
But what I wasn't prepared for was the news that my 'good knee/leg' was almost as bad and that quad is not firing normally either. So the goal is to go to therapy three days a week and work hard and hope for an improvement.
He does not guarantee a stronger left leg or knee at all.
We talked about my 'falling' episodes even thoughI have a cane or crutches, depending on how I am doing that day. His suggestion was to see the rehab counselor and discuss something more supportive as in a WALKER.
I know that has been in the back of my mind for some time. BUT having someone else say that out loud to me is much different. Puts reality right out there.
I have been a 'jockette' all my life. Having grown up with five sports minded brothers and tons of neighbor boys, then marrying a super 'jock' I have spent my life running-----hiking------biking-----water skiing----playing tennis---racquetball--co ed softball, soccer, volleyball----we were on a softball team at age 54 when i got injured at work.
I have literally ran miles and miles and now I might have to sit down in a walker and I find it very overwhelming.
I look at the 'miracle' that I got hurt and have been able to be at home doing my art and writing. Being able to spend all the time I want with my children and grand daughters, decorating the house after the fire, taking more than five minutes to actually enjoy anything.
I am now looking for the BEST in this situation. I am trying to see the miracle of not being able to run again-- or walk without assistance--to have another piece of my autonomy taken from me.
I am trying to be upbeat and positive and joke about it all. But the reality is, today and yesterday, I am very sad and very disappointed. I lift my life up to God to do what He will but at the same time the tears are here.
I know it is the humanness in each of us to cry for the loss of parts of 'us' with debiitating diseases but I don't like it just the same.
I am not perfect but I know that I ... Catie Ann ..am a 'miracle' in my family's life. I will try to keep reminding myself of that every time I want to lay down and cry in pity.
This afternoon I got in the car and made myself smile and be happy. I drive by my cousin's house every day. He is ten years younger but we don't see each other often---weddings funerals the like.
He was outside today and I stopped and we talked for an hour. What a 'miracle' he is. He is a testicular cancer survivor of four years so far. He has four boys and a sweetheart of a wife.
We talked about those things---living with the 'unknown' giving up what you have to to survive sort of thing.
The miracle was He lifted me up and made me smile and laugh outloud even. I told him I loved him and was very proud of him. I also told him every time I drive by I still say a prayer he will continute to be cancer free.
He is a 'miracle' to all of those in his life.
I went to the goodwill and oh my gosh i found tons of rolls of lace and ribbon.
I had made the decision to make tussie mussies for christmas for John's co workers and today I found so many things for that project.
The miracle in this afternoon is I got past the 'tears' and could converse and pray while I pushed my cart around the store.
The miracles were 'finding the junk that made me laugh outloud' smiling at strangers and having them smile back, talking to the elderly lady who is missing an eye and had a gaily decorated eye patch on. The miracle of that is I have TWO eyes to see --even if my legs are failing me-----it's a miracle I have my sight to see when I am crafting and writing this blog.
YOU are all the little and big 'miracles' in my life. Thank you for being there.